“She loved her colors.”
She used to call her the love of her life. Off all the things she had, she was the apple of her eyes. She had spent hours, moments, and nights just looking down at her. She used lie beside her and stroke her golden locks of hair gently. The blonde curls, the azure blue eyes, the serene black eyelashes that can she thought could start off a tornado. She used to pretend dreaming about how difficult it would be to find a suitable husband for Her.
~ Her - at times she couldn’t see her own reflection ~ lost, all alone, in her childhood.
~Pretend – the first time she learnt to play with this emotion, never to know she would continue with it, all her life.
She would fantasize her with just every material thing in this world, every relation in this physical plane she would want to play with her, every emotion she would crave to share with her, she used to indulge herself through her with all her secret desires, her innocent wishes and… she would play a mother to her and sing lullabies at night. A sister, when she warded off her marriage to the one-legged tin soldier who just returned from a war. And sometimes it was just a friend when she was sad, to cuddle her up and go to sleep.
~ Sleep - at times hard to find ~ the fantasies of the dark~ she even pretended to be a boy and be her husband.
~The one-legged soldier – she lost him somewhere in those nights, never to see him again.
The long gone road,
The faint sound of the sleep,
An innocence that still flickers!
“She loved her ‘life’.”
At times she used to envy her. Those slender long legs, the way she looked at her, those dreamy, watery glass eyes. Her expressionless face seemed to speak out to her, and some day she came to know that silences speak when spoken to. What she didn’t do for her, she stole, she betrayed, she cried, she laughed. She used to read out all those fairy tales that she heard from her mommy. She was captivated by her timeless beauty. Innumerable times did she stand in front of the mirror, and imagine and dream and… to be the complete woman that she is…she could never be.
~Never - a word that ceased to exist in her dreams ~ no one was happier in this entire world than her.
~Mirror - the other side of her childhood, the other side, which held all the “to be” and “would be” of her life.
But she never ceased to be her shadow, or be it the other way round. She scolded her, she cried. She loved her; she made herself, “feel loved”. She hugged her at nights; she fell asleep twice as fast. She wanted to do everything, to feel everything, to express everything that she couldn’t. The sun, the moon, the monsoon clouds are as still as her azure blue eyes, hollow, steely, tacit!
~Azure - a word that she identified only with the skies, she once lived under, ~ precious moments
~Tacit - silences, tranquility~ a childhood has stopped speaking.
On her 10th birthday she was gifted with a Pinocchio, the stupid, woody boy who always told lies and had a long, long nose. That night she was infuriated when she came to know about her love to Pinocchio. She felt betrayed, traumatized, never ever did she think that Pinocchio would be any match for her little baby, or should I her dearest sister, or could it even be her valentine?
Thirteen winters have gone thus;
Twenty three innocence’s old;
Few have died, many yet to come!
~ Flip ~ Flip ~ two pages of memory back into the present~
A crescent moon growing old… a September wind running stale…!
She’s getting married today. She still remembers how she fought with her that night, how she got a limp, a broken neck and a blind vision, and how finally she got rid of Pinocchio. She still holds her favorite Barbie doll as tightly as she did thirteen winters ago.
It’s a strange relationship between a human and a make-believe-human. A romance between a childhood and fantasies; can any romance be greater than this? Can any love song be louder than this silence, once spoken? How a child can create an entirely different world of ideas and fall in love with it, such that the bond becomes unbreakable, even after years…? Which dimension of space and time should this be placed?
An eternal bond of love, inexhaustible over an entire lifespan! This relationship has no name, no dimension, and no definition. How a person can give everything or take everything in the name of love. A love that do not pay heed to any love song, no lullabies; a valentine that no heaven can give, no hell can take, who is eternally yours and forever young.
“The azure blue eyes;
The true, blue skies;
Childhood and valentines”