… into an exhilarating graying smoke, I dream of a new world, of a new vision; as if an un-noticed door has been left slightly open. Suddenly I see, me in a new timeline, traumatized, slowing to an extreme. The grayish haze has vanished slowly into the digital abyss, a state of sleep walking into life’s newest horizon, all alone, in the nights of wonder. I have reached the dizzy heights of fulfillment, of a journey unknown yet for the betterment.
Ever-Fearing, enthralling heights of life
Confusing spate of damn emotions, painting a sad rhyme
Uplifting me into a state of un-anonymity of unrealized visions
I keep walking, learning never to question nor doubt the things that happen around me. I am just a spec of flesh and embodied intangible emotions in the ocean of my fantasy; just a traveler in this cosmic void, trying to unravel a million dollar question, for the sake of my own karmic brownies. The wait that seemed to be eternal, has finally come knocking at my doorstep, disturbing the sand dunes of time…I want this to be the only end of my all dreams… of how they would just concur at the infinite, at the vanishing point unforeseeable by any fortune-teller.
The grass was greener,
The light was brighter,
The nights of wonder!
Steps taken forward but sleep walking back again!
Men are just puppets in the hands of god, but sadly god is definitely not the puppeteer. God too just pretends and we just tend to miss the humane touch in god’s own hands, in god’s own kingdom. Why don’t we realize the god in us? We dream, we sleep walk to the end of that dream, we are creating a different horizon of vision for ourselves, we are the ones who think about god, we are the invincible that gives god an existence, why do we deny it, from some corner of our heart. In this world of magnets and miracles we are the beginning and the end of the big bang. God just is… the thinking man.
Faster than the speed of light- but I can not. Because some people are destined to be the sea, or the endless river, meandering into the plains emotions, or may the sad rhyme, that makes the heart cry, oozing the pains, of losing a piece that belonged to you, may be! The lyrical series of steps that lies ahead of me is enchanting; is precious, but material isn’t everything. Some people die in love, and to die in love is no sin – but its god’s greatest gift. I wished to be the low, to give her that high in life. When she chose a different perspective, and I had to move on; but I hate to. I never felt this way before, but I feel so just godless, as that blue light under which I basked in my moments of weakness has been turned off, to let me grow up, in this semi-darkness, to get me habituated, in this big bad greenery of the corporate world.
I wish to go back to those grasses on the other side.
Of the greens, of that eternity in music, heart- throbbing.
The world that belonged to the carbonated smoke and marinated love;
- to Floyd, to the grass, to the time of the “waiting for the sun”
I love to shadow- guitar, to floyd when left all alone, with only thoughts hugging me, cold and dead, unturned and un –noticed. Ransacked and nurtured. The passion in the music gets sweeter, my fingers search for that invisible string, just to make itself heard, in this unreal world. But this “unreality” seems so dream like. The shadow loves me; this state gives me an untold sense of security, of happiness, unattained in the normal level of consciousness. You know why I love the shadows so much? It’s more faithful than god; it’s more sincere than the person you love. Even death can’t separate the shadow from you.
You know what? The grass is always greener on the other side. The green I see on this side is the stale printed green of the paper, of un-dominated, unrealized wealth. And the green on the other bank, is god, is natural, and is pure. There’s a trance in both the greens, both of them can kill you, both can give you a euthnasic sense of beauty and pleasure, there’s a rhythm in both the greenery. But why is the green on the other side greener, and enthralling? It had life. Not now, but once upon a time, but the greens on my side are just so fucking dead. I long for those days, or precisely speaking those nights of wonder, where I could just once again, set my dreams afloat, in the Noah’s ark, so that they can never die, because they are precious to me, I can’t survive without them.
Yes, you can say, why don’t you start dreaming once more, you can rise from the ashes, you are the dream peddler aint it? But believe me, those dreams were so beautiful, I loved them, and would you just leave a loved one behind, when in search of a new life? No you don’t. You want them with you, or you stay back, either way. Its not greed, its not ego, it’s a piece of your soul.
I have always loved you and I will continue to do so, even in my most excruciating bliss. No. I am not cursed.
I am blessed. I am just plain lucky.
I wish I could smile forever just like tonight, because you are happy.
I wish I could reverse time and fast forward it, on my own free will
I wish I could write this string of words, on the eve of 24th September.