“Every generation thinks that they are wiser than the next generation and every generation thinks that they are intelligent than the previous one.”
While a Bong friend of mine booked his flight tickets to Hyderabad this evening to prove himself worthy to his in-law’ eyes – an obvious question dawns! Both boy and girl – committed, financially independent, in love with each other can’t just move in to a different city, tie the knot in the house of law and send a curt invitation to their respective families. Even though knowing that talks can be futile they want to convince their families and win them over. I guess the reason that egged them on for 6 years of courtship anticipating a strong societal objection is to see their parents happy. I guess the answer to the question is happiness. And I’m sure that if the reason is happiness then love will fail them.
People of the past generation might argue that arranged marriages had better commitment and lasted long. True, when concerned parents go into the marriage market, evaluates the social background of the family, the economic status, spread out 20 such photographs in the living room and almost do a lucky draw as to which one is ‘the best’ – does have a better chance of a long lasting marriage, because love is actually made of bricks and mortar, not android phones and a bed of roses. But this, err… reminds me of how I bought my laptop – no pun intended. I mean that’s how all my cousins got married and they are living happily now 12 years running. I have grown up in a culture where parents would do the hard work and you lie back with a John Grisham until the day of the marriage.
But how easy is it to rightfully judge a person? Is it only based on the external factors, like social status, economic independence, caste and religion? Now the reasons why arranged marriages have a higher success rate are that- firstly women are culturally and economically lesser where she is going to be, secondly in the Indian culture society is quite critically harsh on a divorced woman and thirdly the concerned families have a a certain degree of beneficary interest in the marriage whether be it financial, or social. In case of an arranged marriage the stress in on adjustability. You don’t need to prove yourself; you are an already certified persona by the higher authorities, based on some external factors, you just have to carry on the good work (considering neither party faked it during the selection procedure). Whereas for a love marriage the onus is on proving your worth to the in-laws! In this the in-laws will always be more skeptical in evaluating you, watching your every step and drawing constant comparisons with a higher benchmark. It is undeniable that you get to know and understand the person before marriage and such relationships tend to be more loving as the intimacy and the understanding blossoms after marriage.
When I argue with my grand mom that this concept of arranged marriage worked in your times is because women had neither economic independence nor the knowledge of the world outside. And this ignorance and lack of will was put to full use by the dominant male structured society, she disagrees by emotion – not by logic.
Now the question is not whether, you need to arrange the love or whether you need to love the arrangement. Question is the reason. Well… if you are going to be successful at something, you need to have a reason to it, so that you can put your mighty faith into it in pursuit of happiness. NO, love is not blind. Anybody preaching has a marketing motive. Love needs reciprocation, love comes with expectations. Love at times is deceptive too.
It is said, that true love outruns everything in the long run. If, dealt with care and belief. Being in love with a girl since my school days that ended up in marriage, after 14 long years might sound like a dream run! But every dream has its momentary lapse of reason; it has its time of unfathomable despair, plagued with hope. Love fulfils itself, if you put your faith in it, if you prove yourself capable of it to the person you are marrying and to the family you are going into.
This post has been written for The Love or Arranged Marriage contest on Indiblogger. www.facebook.com/LoveYaArrange.